17.08.2014

As of late, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my animals.

This is Midna.
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This is Leah.

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What’s new with me? Nothing really. I’ve been driving to places like this:IMG_20140722_181658_1[1]

 

…and going to the library. I think the library may be my only sanctuary in this gods-forsaken place.

They’re building another methadone clinic/needle exchange just down the road, and it’s only going to attract more horror. I need to get out of here. I should be out of here by the end of this year, we’ll see what happens.

Anyway, life’s been okay.

Enjoy the photos. Tomorrow I leave for the land of not here. 🙂

What should be on every rescue and shelter answering machine..,

This is exactly it…

Apitome's Blog

Hello: You have reached… (123) 4556-7890.

Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to
the following options and choose the one that best describes you or
your situation:

Press 1 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has
suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home
right away.

Press 2 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your
150 pound, 8-year-old dog.

Press 3 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of
your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a
baby and dogs at the same time.

Press 4 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having
problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.

Press 5 if…

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December 20th, 2013 – Hedley

My Mum won tickets to go see Hedley. The show was at a grand opening of a casino, and since my Sister isn’t 19, she couldn’t go… so The Boyfriend came instead! They’re not my favourite band around by any means, but after seeing them live, I’d have to say that I’d go see them again (and will be, because they’re here in April and it’s a show my Sister can go to!).

I’m not normally a “go-to-concert-and-film-everything” person, but we got some stuff. If it wasn’t for The Boyfriend filming things, I would’ve missed a lot. I’m 5’11, there was people in front of me in 6 inch heels. Even if they were short, they were tall, and they stood right in front of my face.

There was nowhere to sit, which sounds stupid, but is important to me. I can’t stand very long. Luckily, some people moved and I got to lean on a ledge type thing, which helped for sure.
So… here’s some stuff (it was hard to get pictures because of the lighting… I never use flash for things like this).

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And here’s two videos!

Really?

You know what I hate? Caty girls. The real pretty ones that always are in a group.

I’m in the middle of group work, it’s break time, don’t worry, and no matter what I say or how loud I speak, no one listens to me. Or if they do, they talk down to me.

I’m an outsider. I’m not from here therefore, I don’t have friends here.

I just got the dirtiest look. Maybe you are better than me, but I’m tired of you. All of you.

Thank God this will be over soon.

And people wonder why I dislike people.

And on top of it all, my stomach is killing me.

Always Nice

I had a random visit by Friendly Giant last night. I should call him something different just to make him seem the opposite of what he really is… 

That was awkward.

I’ve never had to be like, “hey, I’m naked, give me a minute” before. Why do people always catch me at the worst times?

It was very nice to see him though. We cried thanks to the end of the hockey game and further discussed our camping plans. Camping, oh, I cannot wait. We have planned for T.I.F (and friends… probably) to go to a very secluded place. Somewhere that’s hard to find (hopefully we can find it) and not many people know about. It’s in the middle of bear territory too. Usually bears aren’t a problem, but I had to mention that it was grizzly territory; grizzlies are a bit harder to deal with. Also, this place is probably haunted.

I said if anything tries to attack us, just go to the middle of the lake. That suggests that Jason doesn’t live there.

If we die, there is a veeeeeeery good chance no one will ever find us. Excellent, living on the wild side, it’s how we roll, yo.

I got to hear all about his work-in-progress of a book and I’m excited that I get to read it. It sounds amazing. Fantasy is my number one favourite genre and the ideas that he has are pretty spot-on.

He held my snake.

TAKE THAT, PEOPLE THINKING HE’D DROP IT!

* * *

I had my Psychology class this afternoon, and yes, I went. I want to do something in the field, I haven’t fully discovered what yet, but I know that I want a career in psychology. My professor is great, funny.

I was sitting there in a lot of pain though. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This time it has to do with medication though. Eating and medication is bad. I’ve scarcely touched my dinner, for breakfast, I had cantaloupe; even drinking water is painful. It’s no wonder people lose weight! They’re scared to eat!

* * *

Why are high school boys such dicks? My poor Sister…

The first year of high school, the students get to take different explorations and my sister happened to take metal. Last year, she found that she LOVES metal, so she decided to take it this year. Boys are beyond idiotic! She’s the only girl in the class and because of that, boys like to make fun of her (ahem, asking if she has a penis is not only inappropriate, it makes me want to hurt you). 

I dealt with the same thing in auto. My Dad is a machinist and I learned a lot about automotive from an early age. Sure, I’ve lost a lot of the information, but taking an auto class was easy credits for me, I knew what I was doing.

Boys are stupid. Men on the other hand… well, no, some of them are dumb too, who am I kidding? Yes, men, women aren’t perfect either. 

* * *

Tonight, I’ll be finishing my homework while listening to… well, right now it’s Meatloaf… do you guys remember Meatloaf?!

I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow. I have my English class (poetry FTW!), but then it’s my Math class and I’m taking the final exam! Then I’m on to the next one. Only 3 more to go! Ahem, unless they maaaake me take the other one too… but still!

* * *

Blek, no more dinner, it’s going to kill my stomach!

Also, I did something kind of impulsive. I bought a camera. It’s no DSLR or anything, but for a point and shoot, it’s pretty good. 16mp and it can go underwater. Yes, 16mp seems like overkill, but that’s okay. I figured that with all the saving I’ve been doing, it’d be okay to splurge just once (birthday present!). Besides, with all this stuff I’m doing this year, I want a good quality camera. M and I will be on an adventure. Montreal has beautiful architecture, not to mention, we’ll be going to a concert. T.I.F. and camping will need a camera, and when the family goes back to SA (hopefully this year!) it’d be wonderful to have a camera, especially to take in the lakes with us. There might also be a trip to Calgary, and if that happens this year (No, not your house trip, Mr. “Tall, dark and slightly above average” [that’s according to my brother, don’t look at me]… though we’d need photo evidence for that too) it’d be nice.

Overall, it’d just be nice to have one. Good quality photos for all of the adventures (even if it’s just me and my dog), I’ve waited long enough to have!

Guess I should go do my homework now…

5…4…3…1… OFF BLAST!

Share With Me!

Share this time with me as I tell you something so amazing, so wonderful… Just, take part with me, I want to share with you.

I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) at 17. I had symptoms before that and one of the biggest ones had to do with my weight. I had spinal surgery at 10 and it took me a very long time to recover (I’m still not fully there yet, they screwed up badly). When I was 12, I was still having a hard time, but that’s the year I got my period. My weight BALLOONED! I don’t mean that I gained 10 or 15 lbs, I mean that I went from 130/140 to 180, then 190, then 200, then over that! I gained a lot of weight and I gained it in a relatively short amount of time. Gaining 70lbs over 3 or 4 years isn’t healthy at all. And it isn’t as though I wasn’t active. For my spine being a piece of crap, I did a lot.

My highest weight, to this day, has been 271lbs.

Though people say I never looked that big, I was, and it was embarrassing. It was hard because it would seem that I had to never eat and exercise till I fell down just to maintain that weight, and obviously because of the spinal issues, exercising isn’t the easiest task. I never wanted to get to the 300 mark.

My gynaecologist was a bitch. Sorry for the language, but she was a real bitch. I remember this one thing that happened and I just wanted to slap her… eventually I became a bitchy patient.

She had put me on birth control (the first one was hell) and Spironolactone. The anti-androgen never worked for me, but I continue to be on that birth control. Still, I continued to gain weight.

I’m a researcher, it’s just what I do. I’ve had so many problems with doctors that I’ve found if I don’t research and figure things out for myself, nothing will ever get done. I found out about Metformin. Normally, Metformin is for those with diabetes, but it can help with weight and for some reason, it helped those with PCOS. I didn’t exactly understand why at the time.

She refused to send me for the proper blood-work, and needless to say, I quit going to her. It wasn’t until last year that I started taking this medication. I went to my family doctor and said, “look, I have PCOS, I’m gaining weight, can I please have Metformin?” He gave it to me. I also got blood work done.

As it turns out, I’m insulin resistant. Me gaining weight wasn’t entirely my fault. I used to get so upset that I would starve myself because I would just gain and gain and gain… These pills have helped me tremendously though.

Last year, I had lost 30lbs. I went from 271 to 241. I noticed a big difference in my body. Things were just… smaller. My body, obviously, isn’t petite or anything (and I’m tall and big-boned to boot!), but a lot of weight came off. I didn’t really notice until pants started sitting wrong, and then I looked at my body and was like, “oh… WOW!” I was SO proud of myself! It was AWESOME!

For some reason, I had stopped taking them. It was either because I forgot or the pharmacy screwed up, I can’t quite remember.

I shot up to 260. Good lord. Now I look fat again.

I was so upset!

I kept working on it and it took a long time, and for the past 3 weeks I’ve been in the 245-250 range. Today, I decided to weigh myself. The scale says 241. I’m back at the weight I was at.

This means, my blood sugar levels are coming down. This means, I’m getting further and further away from having any serious health problems. THIS MEANS, I’m that much closer to my goal (only 60lbs to go…). God, I am so bloody excited, I wanted to share with EVERYONE!

No, I normally don’t share my weight with people, and it probably seems embarrassing, especially considering I’m larger, but you know what? It isn’t embarrassing and if it offends you, that’s your problem. My weight shouldn’t bother you at all, it has nothing to do with you.

I’m just happy.

Today is a good day.

If you have PCOS and you’re feeling discouraged, don’t. Maybe Metformin can help you too!

Please, Don’t Touch Me

Today has been insane. It has been pouring rain all night and day and this is, what? The 5th day in a row? I’m sure a lot of people get depressed here, especially in the winter, there’s never any sun and it’s either always grey or always raining…

Oh, and it’s been windy too. Some of the branches came down.

I’ve been noticing that my new pills are affecting my sleep. The ones before were a sedative, they’d knock me right out, but these, these have been making me need less and less sleep. I woke up at 1:30am feeling well rested despite only sleeping maybe an hour or two. Then I couldn’t get to sleep until 3 or 4, and when I woke up, it was 7 and I wasn’t going back to sleep. Weird.

* * *

All 3 of us had to go for blood-work this morning. That is, my siblings and I.

I had 3 or 4 vials drawn, another random test, and my EKG. I’ve never had an EKG before, it was weird. Actually, it was kind of awkward, I’m thankful the nurse was a woman! They make you take off your shirt and bra and attach all these little diode things to your chest (and your legs!). I dislike bearing anything to anyone, I’m a very conservative person, well, compared to most. It was funny though, after a few minutes of her putting them on she turns to me and says, “I have to ask… did it hurt?” I just laughed. Then we started talking about nipple piercings.

I think a lot of people have issues with piercings, not just the “adult” ones. Even just talking to Cheesecake Queen, because she has them done, when she went in for surgery, she got suuuuuuch awful looks. It’s as if as soon as you get nipple piercings, you’re deemed a slut. I am faaaar from a slut! And it isn’t as though I go around showing everyone I meet! They were done for me and me alone!

I just found it funny. We started talking about them after that. I also didn’t get sick after getting blood taken! Booyashaka! I still have to set up this 24 hour heart test – I think it’s called a “holter test”? I asked a bit about it… hopefully when I actually have it with me I’ll have palpitations. Sometimes I go weeks without them just to get them super bad for a few days.

I hate palpitations.

* * *

We saw Brad! It’s been a loooong time since we’ve seen him last. He disappeared to work in the oil field. It seems like everyone I know is heading that route…

* * *

It’s raining more. Harder.

We decided to go to Hell. By Hell, I mean Walmart. I despise Walmart, I boycott it as much as humanly possible, which is sometimes quite hard considering their prices tend to be lower… for some things anyway. But they’re the scum of the earth (no, not all the employees! The company!).

I walk funny, that’s fine. I lean against the buggies to help with the pain. When I stop, I do this thing where I stand on one leg to take the pressure off of my spine, I don’t know how I learned to do this, I just did.

We were in line, waiting to check out; a woman behind me starts talking to me, albeit quietly, she’s talking to me.

Her name is Marjorie, she’s an 80 year old woman, though she doesn’t look 80. She asked what was wrong. I’m not really embarrassed or ashamed of it anymore, so I explained. She went on to tell me that she’ll pray for me and God will fix me.

Ugh.

I’m not rude, I don’t throw off anyone’s beliefs. I’m very open to religion, even if I don’t believe in it. To me, God is not a “single being”. God is in everything and everyone, and everybody experiences it differently, therefore, the fighting between religions is stupid because it’s all the same. Anyway, that’s a briefing on my beliefs. I’m spiritual, organized religion pisses me off, but…

I’m fine. I tell her thank you, and asked for her name (she asked for mine first). She just went on and on saying God will fix me, if I believe in God I’ll be saved. That’s all fine.

Then, she touched my back.

You do not, under any circumstances, touch S’s back.

EVER.

Unless I have given you specific instruction to or I trust you, you do not touch it. And even when I ask people like my Mom to put stuff on it to ease the pain, she’s very careful and doesn’t like going over my scar because my back is extremely sensitive. Touch it the wrong way and I’ll drop to the ground and I won’t get up.

Thankfully, she didn’t really hurt me, it just really freaked me out. I don’t enjoy being touched. I don’t really mind that people believe in God. I’m not an elitist Atheist or anything, I think everyone needs something to believe in, sometimes it gets annoying though. It’s even worse at Christmas time. If I decide to go to the mall or pretty much anywhere, I get bombarded by people wanting to pray for me.

I accept that you believe, that is fine, I’m glad, but please, if you’re going to pray, pray for someone that needs it.