Camping!

We recently went on our first trip of the year. There are a lot of stories from the trip, but most of them involve me being drunk and talking in a Russian accent for 2 hours or me talking to animals, so instead, I just want to share some photos.

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It didn’t rain on our trip, really, just sprinkled a bit. We were left with a happy double rainbow, if you can see the other part.

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I didn’t take this photo, but I caught a toad. His name is Wilkinson the third. All around us, every night, was the sound of frogs (and cattle), so I was determined to catch one. I kept walking down to the water, but couldn’t find any, which means they were probably in the reedier areas… then I randomly came across this guy. He was my friend.

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This was from a random walk I decided to go on.

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This is what we got to look at for a few days… it was pleasant. Lots of dragonflies, ravens, frogs (and toads!), and loons (can you do a loon call? I can!)… it was a good little trip, and I miss it already. The city life just ain’t for me!

I Don’t Feel Sorry For You

I have written about this issue before, I’m certain.

I live down the street from a methadone clinic.

As a note beforehand, I don’t think all drug addicts are bad people, but I also don’t think they’re all fantastic either, and I don’t feel sorry for them, except in rare instances when it is legitimately not their fault (which is possible).

* * *

Dear drug addicts & dealers,

You make me angry, you make me afraid. As a human being, just like you, I feel as if I should have the right to be outside and not feel the way you make me feel.

I don’t like having to dodge cars, nor do I like you coming on to my property to ask if I want to buy drugs from you. Even if I did do drugs, I wouldn’t buy them from you, and while we’re at it, no I don’t smoke, so no, you can’t “bum one”.

Why did you throw that on the ground? If you’re at this “clinic”, why can’t you throw it in the garbage? Actually, why are you leaving the building with it to begin with? My lawn isn’t a garbage facility, and quite frankly, I don’t like cleaning it up. Do you have a disease? Even if you don’t, your condoms and needles aren’t my responsibility.

Why do you defecate on my grass? Are you a dog? A goat? A cow, maybe? This is quite literally the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Why would you do that? Are you aware that gas stations have rest rooms? Or better yet: go home.

Sometimes, you make people see red. I’m not an angry person, and I never will be, but that won’t make me hesitate in chasing you with a golf club to get the hell out of my yard. Stealing from, well, anyone, is a terrible thing. I’ve caught you a few times. I remember in the middle of the night, one of you tried to steal something. I ran outside and chased you off. What the hell was I thinking? Oh wait, I wasn’t. But I guess the joke’s on me, because now things have been stolen. You’re stealing from people who never had anything and worked their asses off to get what they have.

Why should I feel sorry for you? I want to puke every time I see you! I once went on a walk, which should be safe, and I was harassed! That’s not fair! I get to see you shooting up, and between the toes is the worst. Also, in regards to sex, do you think maybe you could find a place that’s not a parking lot?

I witness your drug deals day and night. I witness a lot of things I wish I never had to see.

Everyone has a story, but doing the things you’re doing… I’d rather see you dead than anything else.

*

This letter has no point. No one seems to care about the matter, and even if they could read it, they certainly wouldn’t care or respect it.

I ignore things the best that I can, but when it affects you directly, some heads need to roll.

I don’t feel sorry for you. If you got yourself into it, get yourself out of it. You can blame it on your family, or how someone left you, or even pain, but none of those are excuses. If they were good ones, I’d be a heroin addict and probably dead.

Nothing changes until you want it to. Nothing changes until you change it.

I will never feel sorry for someone that purposely puts themselves in a situation, then starts hurting other people because of it, be it in any way. Yeah, they’re still people, and they deserve help, but the things that are happening don’t need to be.

How do you feel about the matter?

Graduation Day

The day started out like any other day. I got up, made my breakfast smoothie, and listened to music; the only difference was that it was graduation day.

I called my neighbour around 11, and she came over to help me with my hair. There was no way I was doing it on my own! And after it was done…

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 felt fierce… like lion, lol.

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t was such an important event, I even put earrings in.

Because of the teacher’s strike, the ceremony was moved from the one school to this neat little village in town, which I much preferred. It was an old schoolhouse that was built in 1907. It was a quaint little town, one in which I’d much rather live. But I’m biased, there were Victorian style houses, and those are some of my favourite types.

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This was the schoolhouse – just a small little thing. Cozy.

I was running a little bit late, so I was worried, but everything was so relaxed. I walked into the building, which opened into a gym type of area, and headed left to be placed in my cap and gown. The people were all incredibly nice. I was surprised when people congratulated and complimented me.

After all of the graduates were in their cap and gowns, we were lined up in order. Mum came up before W and took a picture. In the first one, I stuck my tongue out. In the second one, I had a giant fake smile on. Here’s the third one.

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Soon after this, we were called up one by one to receive our certificates. Sadly, I don’t have pictures of that, but I held mine in the air in victory.

Going up wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. We shook two people’s hands before reaching the principal, whom I adore. He spoke to me a bit longer than everyone else, congratulating me and saying how he knows it took a while, but he was glad I finally accomplished it. That meant something huge. It meant he remembered who I was, and he remembered that I talked to him along the journey, gaining counsel and confidence. He was a fantastic principal. And I feel that’s how people in power are supposed to be – caring.

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I also talked to another teacher I had (who became vice-principal), who I knew cared, and was overjoyed to have finally met in person.

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He was someone I ended up talking to quite frequently, so I’m glad he’s in the position he is now. I also got to shake the hand of a police officer, so that was neat.

During the ceremony, there was a young man who could not speak, but he had the most incredible writing. I almost started crying it was so powerful. I wish I could begin to describe what he wrote, but I can’t. It was beautiful. They didn’t think he was going to ever graduate, but that was because nobody gave him the chance! I suppose everyone is capable of proving people wrong.

*

Now I’m just going to share random photos.

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Mum & I.

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Dad & I.

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Both parentals and I.

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More in air victory.

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My Sister & I.

Soon after photos, we went home. I got to keep my cap, and I had a nice day/night of listening to music and dancing by myself. I don’t often say that I’m proud of myself, but this is something I’m incredibly proud of. I wore my cap for hours, even after I got home, and I don’t think I stopped smiling once. I’m so, so happy that this chapter in my life is over.

Psychiatric nursing, onward!

The Goin’ Ons

Life. Is. Good.

Okay, that’s vague, let me go into a bit more detail.

This may be the best year of my life, thus far. On June 3rd, I found out I passed my math course… which means I get to finally graduate! My ceremony is on Tuesday, and I am beyond thrilled.

When I found out, I had a moment of disbelief, followed by shock and excitement. As soon as I realized no one was punking me, I started laughing and crying. It was, by far, the greatest day of my life. I had to call everyone. I called my Mum first.

“Why are you crying?”

“I just graduated!”

I called everyone that meant something to me though. Mum, Dad, Mistress, Tophat, Ginger, Friendly Giant, Kitty, my Uncle Redneck… I even called my Aunt, after she got back from Africa.

Needless to say, I’m beyond excited, and I can’t wait for the ceremony. I worked my butt off to finish that class, and I thought I had failed. I DIDN’T!

*

The Ex broke up with me in April, but I’m glad, as cruel as that sounds. It’s given me the power to be myself and be happy.

I started hanging out with someone from high school. Someone I liked a great deal, in high school. I recently found out he liked me in high school too; go figure, right? It’s been a lot of fun. After not seeing him for years, it was like being at home. We’re gonna call him Viking. He awoke something in me I didn’t know I had. I like him all over again.

Vikings are cool.

Speaking of Vikings, have you seen the show? Floki is amazing. I call him real life Rafiki. 🙂

*

About 3 years ago, my buddy Awesome-o disappeared from my life. His girlfriend at the time absolutely despised me. I’m still not entirely certain as to why. I liked her and was always nice to her, but she did some really screwed up things. She even went as far as to write a cruel letter and say it was from me! I would never do that! It pissed me off, but… he randomly messaged me like, “hey, you probably hate me, but…”

I never stopped being his friend. I just wasn’t allowed to talk to him.

I’m glad we get to talk again.

*

On Friday, I went out with The Vacuum. We drove around a bit, then went to a park. It was dark, so we almost didn’t go, but me being me, I always carry a flashlight, so in we went.

I’m not entirely sure what the plan was supposed to be, but we came out into a field and just laid there, talking and looking at the sky. Unfortunately, it was cloudy, so we didn’t see much, but the full moon did come out for a few minutes, so that was neat.

At some point, we fell asleep. Yes, in the field.

We woke up and went home. We were frozen. That was neat.

*

Yesterday, we played D&D. We haven’t played the original campaign in months, so it was great fun. I’ve grown a little bit disconnected to my character though, because we haven’t played in so long. But there’s so much I want to do with her.

I kept rolling 1s. It was bad.

We played until quite early in the morning, and I fell asleep a few times, just because I was exhausted.

Friendly Giant and I ended up getting to my house for 6am. The whole way home was nothing but talking in strange voices, growls, and Russian accents… then we laughed maniacally. …only to turn to each other and realize we’re probably insane, and probably belong in an asylum.

It was fun though.

*

Today is Father’s Day. My Dad and I don’t get along so well, but sometimes we do. He’s being a butthead today though. But… I care. Just wish we did things like we used to.

Steps

When life becomes overwhelming and you feel as if you’re lost amongst the shadows, there’s a few things one should keep in mind. I’m still learning.

  1. Know you can stand on your own. You don’t need anyone, even though it is nice to have.
  2. Continue to do things you enjoy. It’s your life, might as well live as close to how you want as possible.
  3. Stop living in the past! This is a big one. Things happened that you wish didn’t, but they did, so deal with it and move on. Things will occasionally still affect you, but the more you acknowledge that, the easier it will be to throw them in the trash. It made you who you are today.
  4. Set a goal and stick to it. If you feel as if your life is lacking purpose, find something to do. Take a class, learn how to play an instrument, or make it a goal to go somewhere new. Whatever it may be, keep your mind set on it.
  5. Be proud of who you are! Sometimes it’s easier to talk about the negatives than it is the positives, but if you’re happy with who you are as a person – great! If not, change it. Unbeknownst to many, I actually LIKE who I am, I just tend to have not-so-great days  where I don’t want to see it anymore.

Mix all of this in with the fact I’m taking my medication again and don’t feel depressed whatsoever, we have a bunch of fantastic opportunities ahead of us, and there are good people around us to share in the joy.

Prost.

Now let’s just pretend we’re celebrating and drinking together, k?

Glad

You know what I’m happy about?

The fact that yesterday’s over.

Now I can get back to being my lonely, bitter self instead of being hopeful just to be let down.

I’m 22 now. Here’s to facing another year of whatever this thing called life is.

Well, here’s a huge shout out to my awesome family, my best friend Kitty, my furry (and scaly) friends, and my Boyfriend (believe it or not, even his family)! The only people that seem to matter now.

Happy Birthday, S. You made it through the worst day of the year. Sleep on, sleep on.