-Insert Happy Face Here-

I always sleep incredibly well when I’m next to the Boyfriend. I don’t know why, I just do. I went to spend time with him the other day, and it was quite literally the happiest I’ve been in a while. Little P was there too, so it was a lot of fun.

Yes, the Boyfriend has a child, and no, I’m not running. Shocking, right? I can’t believe how many shallow people there are out there. Sure, it isn’t always fun and games, but it’s really not that big of a deal. So he loved someone before you… unless you’re 12, I don’t see how it’d be any different. So you can’t go out to the club on the weekend… Okay? I’ve never been anyway, so why would I care? It’s not my scene!

Anyway… I’m fond of children, I really am. When I was young I always said I wanted a family, and even now, I want one eventually, but it’s easier to lie and say that I don’t. Too many cons. Don’t know if I can get pregnant… don’t know if I WANT to get pregnant. Most of my friends have children, but I’m not ready for that yet, so talking about it is slightly redundant, but it’s nice to get it out.

It’s really nice though. It’s like having a little family… which weirds me out sometimes, but it’s nice. I get to play dinosaurs (if you know me, you realize I LOVE dinosaurs), I get to read stories, I get to play with chalk… I could do these things anyway but not without getting strange looks.

I think the weirdest thing is when people come up to me and ask questions or give compliments when it’s just her and I though. I don’t even know how to respond. “Uhh… thank you… yes… so, I’m 21, I’m too young for kids, she’s not mine…” How do you even respond!?

It’s neat though. I like having my little side come out.

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I cabbed there… which was weird. The driver even talked to me, which never happens. When he rolled up, I immediately started thinking of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… he was just blasting rap music. He wasn’t wearing his seatbelt though… silly driver, don’t you know that’s a $167 dollar fine!?!

Anyway, I’ve been a little… pushy. Not pushy as in bitchy, but pushy as in I keep pushing the Boyfriend away because I feel like he’s getting too close… which is terrifying. But I had a dream… it wasn’t the best dream, it was actually a little scary, but it made me understand a little bit better. I kind of already knew, but it helped clear my vision a bit.

Can’t have both.

We basically just hung out while I was there. Watched some movies with Little P, played with chalk, and played some games. We talked a lot too which was really nice. Communication is vital to me, and I’m not always the best at it, but it’s good to have someone that can push the words out of you. Sometimes I just need to talk about nothing. Or not talk at all and just… be.

I think his bed is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in in my entire life… and I’ve had a lot of beds… okay, maybe my grandparents’ water bed beats it, but just barely… and that’s because it’s wibbly wobbly.

It is GIANT. It’s a king sized bed and you could roll for days, I swear. It isn’t even the size, it’s just comfortable. I lie on it and fall asleep almost instantaneously.

Usually, I end up waking up in the middle of the night to use the washroom, but I didn’t that night. I was falling asleep and he crawled in next to me, cuddled up close, and we fell asleep. I’m usually a light sleeper, but neither of us woke up until Little P opened the door. It was the best sleep I’ve had in ages. The first sleep in weeks that didn’t include me crying beforehand. It was needed.

After a few hours of being awake, I started not feeling well. I don’t know if I ate something wrong, or if it was because I had forgotten my “eaty pills”. But I got a really bad headache (I almost never get normal headaches) which upset my stomach. I went to lie down for a bit and Little P brought in a T-Rex, tucked it in next to me, gave me a kiss on the head, then left. I have to admit, it was pretty cute.

Later on, we all enjoyed a storm. I love thunderstorms and I wish I got to see them more often. The Okanagan had the BEST storms, and I miss them a lot.

Eventually, Little P’s mom came to get her. I don’t think she likes me.

The Boyfriend’s mom was back before then and eventually took me home. It’s a good thing she likes me! Both like me. But my parents like him too, so that’s a good sign, right!?

Anyway, I’m feeling a lot better now, even now, so I guess thinking things through helped a lot.

Here’s to a good tomorrow too!

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