I get in moods where I absolutely don’t want to write at all… to the point it physically sickens me to even think about it. This is bizarre, considering I’m naturally a writer and all, but sometimes… I can’t. I can’t even force myself to do it. I get great ideas though; in fact, I had a fantastic story start this morning… but then I didn’t feel like writing. You can see how this would interfere with my schooling.
Last weekend, I went to stay with friends. I had a fantastic time. I always enjoy spending time with them… talking about stuff is a lot of fun. On the way to their house when Tophat stopped to get gas, I got out and nonchalantly walked with Mistress to go pick a flower. Hehehe, don’t tell anyone.
On the way there, there are flowers in the centre dividing highway thingy. We thought about stopping but never did.
I was talking to them about how I’ve closed myself off to the supernatural world. To be completely honest, a lot of this had to do with M. A lot of my views, have been shaped by M. My mind is… destroyed, it would seem.
They convinced me that maybe I should take the block off. Well holy bajebus… I’ve been able to see, feel, and hear things since I was quite young. I discovered it early on after living in an illegal basement suite. Of course, my room was the one without a window. It also wasn’t until that weekend that I learned the stories of Slenderman are allegedly real. Uhhh… I didn’t even know what that was until they told me. But when I was between the ages of 4 and 6, I saw a… thing. It was very tall and lanky, had freakishly long fingers, and glowing red eyes. You could tell it was a man, but there were no distinguished features. After seeing that, I started experiencing other things. I’m not quite sure how I feel about learning all of this. They tried to make me play the game… I just hid under a blanket. Knowing that something that has been a major part of my childhood is real? Uhh… I’d never shared it with anyone other than my Mom and M before.
I kind of opened myself up for the first time in a while and there was something beckoning to me. It was a little girl. I had sensed a man previously, but not the little girl. She wanted to play! I don’t think anyone noticed that I left until I mentioned it. It was trance-like.
My friends live in a weird apartment building. The floors are uneven and as you’re walking, you’re making friends with the walls, walls are uneven, and it’s just really bizarre. I walked out of their apartment and turned right. I walked all the way down the hallway to what I guess is a fire exit. I stayed there for a while, then turned the other way and walked. There are fire doors throughout the hallways, they close behind you; afterall, they’re meant to close. I walked through the first set and all the way to the second. My hand was hovering above the door handle as if to open it, but there was something about it that made me unable. I stood there contemplating for a minute, when I heard a click behind me. I figured one of my friends realized I had been missing and came to check on me, so I stopped staring at the doorknob and turned around. As I got to the next set of doors, it was slightly ajar. I know for a fact that the door closed fully behind me, and the only way it stays slightly open like that is if you fuss with it to do so.
I went back into the apartment and realized nobody had even noticed I was gone. So then I asked Tophat to come with me. I told him what happened and tried to get him to recreate what happened with the door. We couldn’t really recreate it. Apparently Mistress had seen something little before too… I don’t know who it is, but it’s a little girl, and she wants to play. I think maybe she was protecting me from seeing something I didn’t want to see by not letting me open that door, then distracting me by the clicking.
My Mom found information saying a girl was raped, and one even fell out a window. It’s difficult to find proper information though. I’m curious about checking the library for clues. Something about this little girl has stuck with me and doesn’t want to go away…
Friendly Giant was also over that night. We were all talking about random stuff… it always happens that way though. I really like him. He actually called me last night… I’ve been having an incredibly difficult time since I left M… and since I’ve been off medication. Medication seemed to be keeping me mellow and, while I hurt, I could deal with it. As soon as I went off of it, my whole world started spinning. FG, though I don’t know how sober he was, really made me feel better.
It was funny, because my mood had crashed, he shared his blog with me (after HOW LONG?! and btw, it’s froggyrock.wordpress.com so check that out, yo. Shameless advertisement, huzzah!) and I burst out laughing. My mood shot way up. Then I crashed… so I asked him a question. He doesn’t think he’s the right person to ask, but he doesn’t realize, HE TOTALLY IS! There are a lot of things I could say about him, but those are very secretive. Perhaps on a drunken rant, we’ll learn more, but until then… I’m just very glad to know him. He tried texting me but it was taking too long so he just called and then I became super duper happy. Not a lot of people can do that to me… M was one of them. FG is another. Even my other friends can’t always do it. I feel outsider-ish. But then it’s funny also, because sometimes FG will walk into a room and I’ll just close off. …what the hell is wrong with me? I’ve shared so much stuff with him… the hell? I’m gonna stop talking about him now…
On the way home from the whacky apartment of doom, we stopped to pick flowers from the highway. Now, we actually pulled off somewhere safe, unlike the idiots behind us. And this old, angry man decided to stop and honk and yell at us. I’m not sure why. We’re actually allowed to dig them up considering it’s all going to be highway soon… that was funny.
* * *
Today, was a sister day.
First, we went to Walmart (which I try to boycott) and she got two movies with, guess who, Tom Cruise. My sister is obsessed with The Outsiders and has decided to watch other movies that have the actors in them.
Afterwards, we went to the mall… first, we went to Chapters so Sister could pick up her book by, guess who, S.E. Hinton. Then we went to Payless to try to find high tops, but unfortunately, that was an epic fail.
I got my haircut today. You wouldn’t really notice… I have bangs and choppy layers now. It’s actually 5 or 6 inches shorter than it was, but I had really long hair to begin with. My hair is in the middle of my back now. I got a lady named Amanda, and she was awesome. We talked about dead animals; her cat died just after mine did. I’m not sure why we were talking about dead animals… For some reason, I have the ability to make people talk about things. It’s always fun. And holy bajebus – 20 dollars! FOR A HAIRCUT! AMAZING!
After that, we decided to get ice cream. I got bubblegum and Sister got cookies and cream. She got peanuts on top and I got chocolate… which seemed like a good idea at the time. We walked to Shoppers where I got attacked by makeup. I wanted to look at different foundations because the one I’ve been wearing has been making my skin feel like burning… and my Smashbox foundation doesn’t match my skin colour right now! I’ll definitely be buying it when I have the money… it’s by Stila. It feels like you’re wearing nothing, has good coverage, and the thing comes with concealer and a foundation brush… amaaaazing. I think the women were bored, so she just decided to do my makeup. Why the hell not… except I didn’t like getting stabbed in the eye…
So with my freshly cut hair and new makeup, and my sister trying to make me eat ice cream while she was applying the makeup… we waited for Mom and went to the next place…
I told my sister she should try this shoe outlet place in town, and low and behold! They had converse!
…I tried on the most hideous shoes I could find. In all actuality, they weren’t terrrrible, in fact, I liked the spikes, but I think it had something to do with the socks…
So my Sister got her shoes and we headed home. After doing a bunch of nothing, we left for the movies.
Considering she turned 15 on the 17th… she originally wanted to go to Fan Expo, but I didn’t have all that much money, so we decided to go see Oblivion (and again, Tom Cruise!). It’s basically this movie about a post-apocalyptic world after aliens invaded and yada yada yada. It was really cheesy, but quite good.
I was getting mad at people in the lineup. They were so bitchy.
So now I’m home. Me, my dog, and my snake. Sitting here. Oh, I also decided to clean and get rid of furniture… which means my closet has been disasterified…
I feel really lonely… I need ze cuddles!
MR. BEST IN THE WORLD… I NEED YOUR ASSISTAAAAANCE!
Oh… and I got a corset. It’s amazing. But I think they screwed up… either that or I lost weight… oops.