I can’t share a picture… I must remain anonymous…

I’ve lost 34lbs in total now. I’m the same weight as my sister… who’s 6 years younger than me!

I didn’t notice that big of a change, in fact, I feel bigger, but I compared photos tonight. One from my highest weight compared to one I took about an hour ago… HOLY LYRICAL BATMAN! I have lost a lot of weight! My face has gotten smaller, my stomach, my hips, my thighs… freaking everything! Even my back isn’t all… bulgy like it was.

It feels good.

My goal weight is still 56lbs away, but I can celebrate losing this much, can’t I?

When I was in 8th grade, I was roughly 15lbs smaller than I am now… I’m close to my high school starting weight! How amazing is that?!

I know, I go on about how good it feels but it does feel amazing. It’s such a big accomplishment, I’ve had so much working against me, and for this to happen… I don’t want to be super skinny or anything, in fact, the number doesn’t even much matter, it’s how I look and feel, my goal weight of 180lbs is just a guideline. I actually chose it before I realized someone my height should be about that weight (actually, 180 is supposedly overweight for a person of 5’11, by one pound, jeez).

* * *

Mom didn’t get in for her ultrasound today; two sonographers called in sick. Just our luck.

She’s still in a lot of pain, and her medication doesn’t seem to be helping the bleeding at all. She’s in such severe pain though, and of course, the doctors didn’t give her anything! I gave her something she can take that won’t interact with the other medication, but it’s more of an anti-inflammatory than that of a pain-killer… though that can help a little bit. As long as it’s not Naproxen… useless drug.

It also seems like she’s running out of steam… is she losing that much blood?

I’m not letting her drive tomorrow. I don’t know if Dad has anything planned, but if he’s busy, I’ll be taking her again. I know she doesn’t want anyone to know what’s wrong with her, but I don’t want her to be alone.

They made an appointment time for tomorrow, so she’s all set.

I feel bad though. I’ve had the ultrasound before and it’s hell.

No, an ultrasound usually isn’t painful, but to see your ovaries, you need a full bladder. And lying there while someone is pushing on your bladder isn’t the most pleasant thing… I have bladder issues, so imagine me dealing with that. I can only imagine my poor mum. She’s in severe pain and they’re going to be pressing… bah. 😦

* * *

Friendly Giant said I should be a pharmacist since I seem to know so much about it. I probably could become one, very easily. I know what mixes and what doesn’t, but I want to be a psychiatric nurse… he said as long as it’s something in the medical field to go for it.

Lots of people say that. Funny.

* * *

Mom and I had to go around town today. I went to the bank 3 different times!

I then went to school… wow, not impressed.

I know that I’m not stupid, I have a higher than average IQ (not to brag or anything), I have experience… but my problem is that I can’t memorize easily, not anymore. It’s even harder now thanks to Risperidone stealing my memory, though it’s slowly coming back… I don’t think it’ll ever be the same again though.

I got 51%




Yeah. 51%. Yes, it’s a pass, but by what? One point? The only thing that’s going to save me is somehow memorizing everything and getting something amazing on my final.

I absolutely loathe that everything is based on memory. There are other ways to show you’ve learned and understand something, testing on 4 or 5 chapters at a time doesn’t really help. Not everyone learns the same way.

I think I’ll be okay on the final… today we learned about the Pavlovian theory. Well, the class did. I attempted (the teacher disappeared) to take a Psych course in grade 12 and that’s something that just stuck in my head. I don’t know why, but it did, so I’m ahead of the game!

Hopefully that’ll go well….

* * *

Taking the bus home annoyed me. I sat in the disabled section, which I’m completely entitled to sit in. I have a physical disability, I have mobility issues, I can’t stand for long, and certainly not on a bus…

A woman with a stroller got on. Her friend was coming on, also with a stroller, but was taking her sweet time trying to find a bus pass. The woman turns to me and says, “THERE’S ANOTHER STROLLER COMING ON.”

Uhh, lady, I’m not blind. But I’m not going to stand for 5 minutes and hurt myself while your friend is standing there searching her purse.

I eventually had to be like, “I have a disability, see? Not lying!” and showed her my braces… which I shouldn’t of had to do.

I have no problem moving. People in wheelchairs need that space, and sure, so do strollers. I also think elderly people should be allowed to sit. But that doesn’t mean someone should be rude to me. If I didn’t have a disability, I wouldn’t be sitting there. It was almost as bad as when I was on the skytrain and an elderly person gave me dirty looks… I often feel bad taking a seat, but I need it.

I happily moved, but it would’ve been nice if she would have asked rather than assumed. I look normal… until I stand and start walking.

People… I hate people.

* * *

Let’s see what tomorrow brings us, shall we?



  1. Oh dear, your poor Mum… I hope they can sort out some treatment and get her out of pain tomorrow 😦 I think the problem with the bus seats is that so many people without a real need to sit down, do so then ignore others that need a seat. Once, I was 7 mths pregnant and on my way to work on the bus – I had to stand all the way into the city. It was very lucky I was feeling good that day because I counted at least 6 young men sitting with their briefcases on their laps, reading their papers! Jerks!

  2. Congrats on the weight loss! You definitely get to celebrate that.
    Hope that they can get your mom up and running again in no time.
    So madam pharmacist, what can you tell me about tetrabenazine? It’s going to be my new drug of choice soon

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