Sometimes life catches up and leaves you lifeless.
I’m copyrighting that. But that’s how I feel as of late. There are so many things to be happy about, but the fact of the matter is, I can’t. I try, I’m still trying, and it’s not working. It’s getting to be so bad that I haven’t even written these past few days. I made the goal of writing every day… we can see how that turned out. I tried though! But I have to realize that some days I’m just not going to feel up to it. Sometimes I force myself, other times, no amount of forcing is going to help that.
Oh, so now my spacing works again.
I’ve been procrastinating. I get the week off and I should be using my time to write my essay but I really don’t want to. So many people say, “I hate essays”, “essays are stupid”… it isn’t that I think either of those things, it’s the fact that I don’t like uniformed writing. I don’t like having to be dull and be like every other person. Some people would argue, I’m sure. Saying that you can put yourself into an essay, but you can’t, not really. You can’t use “you” or “I” or “we”, “they” and “them” is forbidden too. And what makes it worse is you’re almost ALWAYS writing about something you either: A) Don’t care about, or B) Aren’t interested in.
Knowing me, out of all our options, I choose the story that has the most to read. But it’s the best one, in my opinion. Writing about how a blind man affects the narrator in Cathedral by Raymond Carver.
Coming up with a thesis statement is vexatious. And chances are I’m going to screw up and use past tense instead of present, again. How many of you learned to write in past tense? *raises hand* I did, and now it’s culture shock, I’m a fish out of water.
I’ll figure it out.
* * *
On the night of my Dad’s 50th birthday party, a boy, whom I guess would be a man now, showed up to drop work off. He looked so familiar. He showed up the next day too and since I answered the door, I heard him talk as well. In my head I’m just like, “Wes, is that you?” I wait for them to leave then walk out to the garage.
“Dad… by any chance, is that guy’s name Wes?”
“Actually, yeah it is. Why?”
“I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM!”
My Dad found it funny. School chums bringing their work to him. It doesn’t really surprise me though. My Dad has a pretty big name in the automotive industry, he’s one of the best. I’m biased, I’ll say the best. Screw you all!
* * *
I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. It’s gotten so bad that I’ll either stay up all night just to sleep during the day, or I’ll sleep with the light on. Paranoia, right? Things just freak me out, sometimes I get like this, and oh how irritating it is.
* * *
I’m a little worried about the whole M situation. I don’t really care where we are, whether we’re in Quebec or Illinois, I just want to be with him. It’d be nice to go to Montreal, considering we already spent money on tickets for a show, and I’m hopeful, but if not, I’ll just go there. I’m not too concerned either way, I just hope it can happen. I’ve been waiting so long – too long, in fact. Some would probably call me a fool. Yeah, fool for love – haaaa, Reservoir Dogs.
Someone please catch my reference… even though I blatantly pointed it out…
* * *
Random fact. I won $8 on a scratch ticket the other day. That’s $5 dollars profit! Well, actually 8, I didn’t buy the ticket. Booyashaka!
Have any of you ever played L.A. Noire? I really like it, it definitely makes you feel like a detective. And it’s even cooler because it has a film-noire type vibe… which I’m sure you could gather by the name. I can’t even concentrate on video games as of late, but I still play every so often. The one I’ve been playing the most is Final Fantasy 6. It’s M’s favourite game and it’s actually amazing… I think so anyway. It reminds me of my favourite game of all time, which, of course, is A Link to the Past.
Despite not being able to concentrate on anything, I’ve still been reading a lot. I finished my last one (there’s a review) and am on to House of Leaves. Oh my God, let me tell you about House of Leaves. You have to pay so much bloody attention. At first, I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I figured it was the epilogue and we were just learning random facts. No, that is, indeed, how the entire book is written. It is, at times, difficult to follow, but I like that, it keeps me on my toes. And the way the novel is construed is really interesting. Some pages you need a mirror to read the text, other pages have one word on them. I think I may start reading something else when I don’t feel like reading this one. I still have the third in A Song of Ice and Fire to read, or I may just read City of Bones again. It’s funny, I have the first, third, and fourth book, but I’m missing the second; I hope to get it soon. Even though the series is young adult (I like some of the genre, don’t hate), and it has weird paranormal romance going on (it isn’t like Twilight, we can all give a sigh of relief), it’s still a great read. An easy read, I guess I’d even call it a beach read.
Which is another thing. Why the fork aren’t there any beaches around me? …not that I’d want to go swimming in a lake this time of year… I just think it’d be so great to take the dog for a walk in the sand, or sit and think. That’s one thing that I greatly miss about the Okanagan. I hope to live there again some day.
Actually, I think I’m just getting antsy. In Alderhell… that was the longest I had ever lived somewhere in my entire life. I lived there for 5 years. Every other place it was 2 years, 1 year, then bam, I’m stuck. I’ve lived in this city for almost 4 years and I’m sick of it. I hate it here. I hate the people, I hate the way the air smells, I hate everything. I just want to leave, is that too much to ask? I’d leave on my own if I had the money… and a car… and a license… uhhhh… obstacles.
I’m going to go back to watching book reviews and probably read more, myself. Or watch more Merlin. I’m sad they cancelled the TV series, I loved it. At least there’s still Doctor Who though… so long as the Americans don’t take over.