Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Okay, I’m not stupid, but I sure feel that way.

Lately, no matter how hard I study, I can’t seem to memorize things, or I do but as soon as a test rolls around, I blank completely. I never really understood the point of tests, they test memorization, not how well you can utilize facts or comprehend them. I got 65% on a quiz today. Nothing major, just a quiz, but it really hurt my feelings. 65% is a C, which is probably the worst mark I’ve ever gotten in an English class, period. Anything under 80% is a fail in my eyes – yes, I’m one of those.

This makes me extremely worried about my midterm…

I got to class and this English class just pisses me off. “How to use apostrophes.” REALLY? Reaaaallllllly? You’re taking this class and you STILL don’t know how to use apostrophes? Our next quiz is on commas. Ohhhhhhh, my lord. I feel like an idiot! I learned this stuff in kindergarten! No! This can not be! Ugh!

I got so mad, I became manic! I was feeling so badly that I was getting light-headed and floaty.

Thank God for M.

What would I do without M? I walked out of class to call him and he calmed me down a lot. He doesn’t even have to do much, he just… does it. So much crazy stuff has been happening to him the past few days. I sometimes feel bad for it, I feel like a burden at times, but I’m thankful he’s there. Maybe one day he’ll utilize the fact that I’m here for him too.

I got a random call today, I have to have a phone conference with the college of dental surgeons regarding my complaint. I guess all the information has been reviewed, the dentist was questioned, and my records looked at. I really hope the dentist didn’t lie…

For those of you that don’t know, in October, I was going for a root canal for a filling-gone-bad. If only. The dentist didn’t freeze my mouth properly and he got mad at me for squirming and shrieking when he was trying to work. But hey! It freakin’ hurt! I remember they kept shoving this tool down the hole and I kept freaking out at the same “distance”, yet they continued to stick it to “make sure” I could actually feel it.

Anyway, he broke a tool and I had a hunk of metal stuck in my tooth that couldn’t be removed. He gave me a temporary filling, told me if it fell out it’d be good so the infection could drain, and sent me on my way. Did I mention that it was a Thursday right before Thanksgiving? With no pain medication whatsoever, I could barely eat. I’m sure I lost weight during that time. They tried to make me go to a specialist but I couldn’t afford it. Now for the irony. I had an MRI about a week after, so they REALLY needed to get the metal out of my tooth because, as you know, the machine that does the MRI is a giant magnet.

I went back to the dentist, I sit in the chair for less than 1 minute and he says, “I can’t do this. Specialist.” And I’m stuck again, I don’t know why I even bothered going in! Needless to say, I had to go see a specialist… and I had to pay, out of pocket, more than I make in a month. If it wasn’t for my parents, I would still have metal in my tooth, wouldn’t have had my MRI, and things would just be disastrous.

When normal people make mistakes, they pay for them. Why doesn’t this asshole do that? So we’ll see what happens.

I’ll just continue reading my book.



  1. Doctors/dentists sometimes seem to think that they are above everyone else. You’d think they’d have a conscious since if they do something wrong, it will hurt someone!
    As for the marks, don’t stress too much. I was one of those 80%’ers throughout school and the first two years of varsity. Then in third year I failed my first test and in forth year I failed every single test until finals and I still made it through. I’m sure you’ll be fine 🙂

    • The stories I could tell you about doctors… Oh my. I think that’s why I want to pursue something helping others!
      Thanks for the comfort! I always aced everything, without studying, might I add, and now it’s just, argh! My brain is broken! That is definitely reassuring though, I do hope you’re right! 🙂

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