January 7th, 2013.
Will this be my year?
Today was my first day back to school and today’s class was psychology 101. Though we haven’t delved into the subject just yet, I already love it. I used to want to be a psychology major and have taught myself a lot about it because it’s such an intriguing subject. I think another reason I’m so interested in it is because of how terrible the system is. Seeing not just myself, but other people going through it makes me sick. The psychiatrists are so eager to throw pills down your throats, the psychologists have to be deaf or something.
My problem has to be with the counsellors. I’ve never had one for very long, they all seem to leave, ahem, abandon me… after a short period of time. My last counsellor liked to tell me that I was a smart girl and would figure things out. Well what good does that do me? I know I’m smart, but the whole reason I’m coming to you is for help because I’m not figuring it out!
Though I haven’t been to asylums, I haven’t been through this or that, my glimpse into the mental health system has made me want to make a change. Whether I can or not remains a mystery, but for now, this class seems like it will be amazing. The teacher is fantastic; funny and quite intelligent. I like when people actually know what they’re talking about and have a passion for it, I don’t see that very often nowadays, it seems like everything’s all about money now.
So after I attain this damn dogwood (which is what they call a high school diploma here) will I do a major in psychology? I don’t know yet. I’m interested in a lot and I’m having a hard time thinking realistically because there are many things I want to do, ahem, paleontologist… Unfortunately, I’m unsure my body would cooperate with certain things, like a nurse or doctor, and the other things I like have absolutely no job openings which would mean I wasted thousands of dollars to walk away with no career, though I guess that’s a risk you take with any career choice you make.
Tomorrow is English and math. I’m terrible at math and I still have 4 or 5 classes of it to go before I get my dogwood, which upsets me but whatever. Hopefully everything works out. I don’t know how I feel about missing dinner two days a week, lol.
Choosing to attain my adult dogwood was a personal choice I felt I needed to make. I’m intelligent, my IQ is well above average, but because of what happened in high school, I never got the chance to finish, and now I’m feeling discouraged being almost 21 still with no diploma. I had to do it this way though. People screwed me over, gave me the wrong information, and I could have been finished years ago, yes, but it was a learning experience, that’s a way of putting it into a positive, right? People may call me stupid for going this route opposed to the GED, but I feel like going after this will show I worked for it, whereas a GED (and no offense to anyone that has one of those) is something I could get easily.
I really love how university feels though. It’s such a relaxed atmosphere compared to high school, and aside from the one incident I had, I haven’t had trouble with anyone. In fact, today, I walked into class and I got to sit next to two girls who had actually invited me to sit with them. That was a really nice feeling. Maybe 2013 will be it.