What Do We Do Now?

Yesterday was sort of disappointing.

When I turned 14 or so, everything went crazy. My body was completely out of whack, no one else was experiencing things I was experiencing. Throw that in with being a depressed teenager and you’ve got nothing but disaster!

I was gaining weight rapidly, getting hair where I shouldn’t have been getting it, getting a large amount of acne, my period was ridiculously irregular, even after years of having it, and I also developed weird sores on my body.

Fast-forward a few years and I went in to see the doctor with a piece of paper in my hand saying what I had. I had polycystic ovarian syndrome. Was I right? You betcha!

(seems I only get help when I figure things out myself. S – 1, Doctors – 0)

What is “Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome”, or “PCOS” for short?

It is what I call absolute hell. Non-curable hell. Simply speaking, it affects your hormones, generally giving you too much testosterone, which is the male hormone, leaving you with some major problems. There are exceptions to these, but you gain weight, particularly around your middle, the inability to lose weight, you have irregular periods, which can lead to endometriosis and a higher chance of ovarian or uterine cancer, excess body hair, acne, and it is a leading cause in infertility. And boy, can it be painful.

I had all those symptoms for it. Well, I’ve never tried to get pregnant, so scratch that one off the list!

There are also other symptoms like hair thinning and baldness, sleep apnea, skin tags, oily skin and more.

Fast forward again, I’m now taking Yasmin, which I hope they don’t pull off the market, it has been the only birth control that has helped me without major side effect, Metformin, for insulin resistance, and I should be taking something else but I haven’t been able to find the thing that works for me yet.

So why am I disappointed?

My insulin levels are high. Very high (no, I’m not diabetic, arseface).

Despite being on medication and trying to eat better (I still cheat sometimes, I’m only human…), which is a major kick in the face. I don’t want to develop diabetes, that would be the worst thing in the entire world.

What is “Insulin Resistance” or “IR”?

Insulin resistance is a big cause in the inability to lose weight. The cells in your body become ‘resistant’ to the insulin. Insulin is basically like the mad man knocking at the door (the cell) to get them to open up and allow glucose in to be stored. Because the doors don’t open, the body produces more insulin and it ends with there being too much insulin and too much fat being stored. There is something that usually is a symptom, called “acanthosis nigrican”, which is darkening of the skin, usually in places that have creases, ie. the neck, groin and underarms; it sometimes looks like dirt and no matter how hard you scrub, it’ll never go away.


I said something about random sores. For me, this has been what I’d call, purely hormonal. I brought in information to a dermatologist, after years of people saying it was nothing but acne. I have Hidradenitis Suppurativa (S – 2, Doctors – 0).

What is “Hidradenitis Suppurativa” or “HS”?

HS is a non-contagious skin condition that affects the apocrine sweat glands. As a general rule, it is found under and inbetween the breasts, the groin, underarms, and pilonidal cysts are in the same family. There are exceptions where you can get them in other places.There are 3 stages, the third being the worst.

These cysts can be as small as peas or as large as baseballs! And they HURT. They scar, they tunnel, they are the least pleasant thing I can think of. Like PCOS, it also goes without a cure.

If you have symptoms of anything mentioned, think about seeing a doctor. Yeah, yeah, doctors suck, but it’s better to fix something while it’s still fixable, rather than when it’s too far gone.

I know I’m going to try and fix these problems the best that I can.

And yes, there’s a lot of denial, embarrassment and sadness that go along with everything, but as you get older it becomes easier to deal with. There will always be bad days, but there will always be good days too. You just have to find how to deal with things in your own way. I think the worst thing for me was wondering if I was ever going to be loved. But you will! There is someone out there for everyone, and someone that loves you will love your imperfections too.


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