July 27th, 2012.
I started taking medication for the first time ever.
Ever since that date, I’ve taken my medication like clockwork. 9pm. Every night.
Last night was the first night in months I’ve taken it later. It’s kind of a crappy med, it makes me ridiculously tired, and not even the fight-able tired, you just completely pass out. Well, M was working really late and I wanted to stay up with him, so I put it off.
What a good night. 🙂
I love talking to M, he means the world to me. I was so glad that for the first time in close to 4 months, I was able to stay awake. His schedule is usually way different than mine since I started taking these. I used to be a complete night owl… he still stays up during those times, lol.
In all honesty, I did get manic. I don’t know if it was because of the lack of sleep or lack of pill though, but boy, did it make me feel alive. I love the “good manics”, they’re wonderful (and really, it better have something wonderful with all the other bs that comes with it). I almost wish I could stop taking these. I have the power to, but it doesn’t mean I will. After everything that has happened… I need them. At least for now, maybe some day I’ll find a natural approach! Antidepressants on the other hand… those can go fuck themselves. Yeah, I said it. They work for some people, they help some people, but my experience was absolutely terrible and I’m stubborn as hell, so I’ll never take them ever again; I’d rather stuff my arm through a meat grinder!
I don’t know, I had a really nice night though. Everything just felt nice and silly.
I told M he needed to play this weird Lego Hobbit board game thing with me. He’d probably win though, he wins at everything. I don’t even know how, he doesn’t cheat, he’s just really good at games, of all kinds! I told him he’d be Gandalf (ahem, outerspace Gandalf…).
Lord of the Rings and Doctor Who.
Pretty much makes up our existence.
Lately, I’ve found a lot of comfort in talking to M… I mean, I always have, but it’s really nice. I feel like I’m 15 again… not that that’s necessarily a good thing.
At 15, I didn’t really have many friends. I think I may have actually annoyed the crap out of M with that. I was always talking to him, lol.
Well, right now, my friends pretty much suck. Well, maybe it’s not that they suck, but all my friends are now at a distance.
Hello!? Is something wrong with me?!
They have better friends now, lol.
I don’t like people anymore, but I like M. He’s not a person, you see, he’s M, and M rocks!